You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
