you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
