i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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