Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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