I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i think i just lost a toe
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
