You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
