Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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