Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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