I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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