Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
