in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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