i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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