Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
