I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
