No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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