The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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