NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
