I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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