OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize