I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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