it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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