it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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