quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize