i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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