you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
