the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
