you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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