you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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