So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
