Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
