worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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