i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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