Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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