I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
