my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
