ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
