spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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