I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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