I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
