My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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