so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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