you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
