I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize