remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
