I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
