we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
