I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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