Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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