My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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