oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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