He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.