My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single