I can tuck mytits in my pants
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.