literally had 100 drinks last night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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