whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
