At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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