I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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