I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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