he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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