the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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